Navigating a season of grief together is one of the most challenging things you’ll do
as a couple. These seasons will come and go throughout your lifetime, and it’s
important to decide how you want to handle them as a team. While things in life
rarely play out the way we think they should, having a plan for sticking together
during difficult times could help you to stay close.
Grief can bring us closer together or drive us apart. During seasons of profound
grief, it can impact the way we experience the world. Whether you’re both grieving
or one of you is supporting the other through loss, it’s important to know some ways
you can lend support to each other.
Let’s talk about a few important things to keep in mind when you’re grieving, and
how you can love and comfort your spouse during times of deep sadness.
WE CAN’T CHOOSE HOW WE EXPERIENCE GRIEF
First, it’s important to realize that none of us can choose or anticipate how we’re
going to experience grief. We won’t know how it’s going to feel for us until it
happens, and it’s impossible to manage. Grief is as tangible as a physical injury and
can hurt just like physical pain.
When we grieve, the emotions wash over us without warning, no matter what else is
happening at the moment. Each person experiences grief in a different way, too,
which makes it more challenging to navigate grief as a couple. Your spouse won’t
experience grief in the same ways and at the same times as you do.
If you’re grieving together, you’ll need to check in with each other regularly. Ask
what your spouse needs each day. Ask each other what you’re experiencing.
Because grief is such a personal experience, you’ll need to communicate well so
that you can learn how to best support one another.
Invite your spouse into your experience. Grief can feel very private, and for many
people, it’s hard (or even embarrassing) to let someone else see it–even your spouse.
Still, letting them truly see how you experience this part of life could bring you closer.
TURN TO ONE ANOTHER FOR COMFORT FIRST
When you’re grieving, turn to each other for comfort. If possible, go to your spouse
first. Part of partnership is sharing grief, joy, compassion, and all the ups and downs
of life.
When you experience a physical injury or illness, it’s comforting to have someone to
walk beside you and hold your hand. The same is true for loss. Grief doesn’t sting so
much when you have someone by your side.
Be that comfort for each other first. Show one another love in whatever way you can
from one day to the next. Just being present can give both of you so much peace
and relief during this difficult time.
GET OUTSIDE SUPPORT IF YOU NEED IT
If one or both of you are finding it difficult to navigate this season, seek outside
support. Working with a counselor, licensed therapist, trusted pastor, or even your
marriage mentors could help you both work your way through this season of
grieving. Sometimes, a little additional help makes all the difference.
Opening up to someone you both trust can help you gain much-needed perspective
on what you’re going through right now. Mentors and friends who are older than
you will have more life experience they can draw from. They have gone through
grief together themselves, and can share their experiences.
LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE IN NAVIGATING A SEASON OF GRIEF
TOGETHER?
When life’s storms arise, loving like Jesus can see us through. And if you and your
spouse are living through one of those storms right now, you can provide so much
comfort and support simply by loving like Christ did. Check out this book, Love Like
embody that yourself. If you need to see a counselor to help you through the grief
process contact one of our Choosing Love Counselors today to set up an
appointment
(Provided by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot)
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