Romantic love is more complex than we think.
Most of us grow up thinking we understand love. As we grow, we learn that love is
much more intricate than we thought. And, there are different types of love to
consider, including familial love, friendship, and romantic love.
Marriage has a way of revealing all the ways we can learn to love someone. Sharing
your life with another person means you’ll experience things together that you
never imagined–both good and bad. Through every season of life, our love will be
tested. We must be able to continue showing love for one another if we want to
strengthen our relationship.
So, what is romantic love, really? Do you “know it when you feel it?” Not exactly.
ROMANTIC LOVE IN 3 PARTS
In the mid-1980s, Yale researchers, led by psychologist and psychometrician Robert
Sternberg, began an in-depth study of romantic love. One study, published in 1988,
highlighted what Sternbern called the Triangular Theory of Love. This theory states
that there are three major parts to romantic love, so let’s take a look at what those
are.
1. Passion
Passion makes up love’s biological component. It’s driven by hormones and
sensations, and it’s that magnetic instinct we feel when we’re strongly attracted to one another. The beginning of a romantic relationship is often characterized by
passion.
2. Intimacy
Love’s emotional component is intimacy. This is the deeper connection we form as
we get to know one another better. It’s driven by empathy and understanding, and
the feeling that we “get” each other more than anyone else in the world.
3. Commitment
Finally, commitment is the choice you make to love one another. Anyone who has
been in a committed relationship, especially a marriage, understands that there’s
no real love without the decision to be faithful.
LOVE REQUIRES CONTINUAL NURTURING
Interestingly, one of the conclusions that Sternberg and his team drew about the
components of romantic love is that none of them are fixed. They’re always shifting.
Because of this, you and your spouse will need to nurture and cultivate your love on
a continual basis.
Now that you understand the three parts of romantic love, find ways to nurture
each. How can you encourage more passion in your marriage? More intimacy?
Stronger, renewed commitment? Think about the ways you can demonstrate each
of these core components for each other.
Romantic love is more complex and requires more effort and intentionality than
other forms of love. But pouring into one another is well worth that time and
attention. When you’re both cultivating romantic love, you’ll reap the rewards year
after year.
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