Communication breakdowns are a common issue in many marriages. Some
couples struggle with communication more than others do, and this can be due to
differences in personality and communication style. However, working to establish
clear and effective communication is key to enjoying a happy marriage in the long
term.
In order to improve communication in your marriage, there are five realms of
communication you must each work to strengthen. Let’s jump right in.
1. INFORMATION SHARING
Sharing information involves the ability to clearly and accurately state your
thoughts and feelings without losing yourself in emotion or getting off track. Being
able to articulate your thoughts and feelings in a way that’s easy to understand is a
skill some of us have naturally, but many of us must learn. The accurate sharing of
information means that we must sometimes slow down and think about how our
words are coming across to our spouse.
Evaluate your communication, particularly when you’re conveying information to
your spouse. Are you getting all the necessary thoughts out of your head so your
spouse has full context? Is it possible you’re assuming they know more than they
actually do? Are there details you’re leaving out that would help them better
understand your point of view?
2. LISTENING
When we listen well, that means we’re respectfully paying attention to our spouse’s
words and feelings. That way, they know we’re doing our best to understand their
point of view. Listening well goes hand in hand with empathy–an essential skill for
long-lasting relationships.
Echo your understanding to one another when you communicate to ensure you’re
accurately understanding one another. Be honest when you aren’t understanding
one another well, so that you can add clarity to the conversation.
Misunderstandings lead to further conflict, so it’s crucial that you master this skill as
early in your relationship as possible.
3. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Conflict management means remaining aware of whatever conflict we’re trying to
solve, and knowing what tools to use in order to both defuse the issue and move
past it together. In the midst of a misunderstanding or a fight, it can be easy to get
defensive and emotional. But reactivity escalates conflict, when what you want to
do is make it smaller–not bigger.
Take a pause when you feel yourself becoming defensive or upset. It’s beneficial to
take a breath and rethink the situation you’re dealing with. Sometimes, it’s even a
good idea to take a break from the disagreement for a little while and come back
fresh when you’ve had a moment to clear your heads.
4. PROBLEM SOLVING
Problem solving entails working together to efficiently and effectively reach a
desired outcome. Can you put your heads together and figure out what steps to
take next? Are your goals clear–with yourselves and one another? Have you found a
happy medium you can both agree on?
Take a little time to figure out your shared, desired outcome. Then, work together to
agree on the steps you should take to reach that goal. Two heads are better than
one, so use teamwork to your advantage to solve the issues that come your way.
5. SKILL SELECTION
Skill selection means the ability to effectively determine which communication skills
you should utilize at any given time, depending on the situation. Your ability to
decide which communication skill you should use in the moment can either help or
hinder your communication with your spouse.
For example, there’s an appropriate time to use humor, and an appropriate time to
be serious and silent. The skills you each choose to use will determine the tone and
outcome of your interactions. Carefully selecting skills for each situation will help
you navigate communication issues with greater ease in the long run.
DISCOVER HOW YOU COMMUNICATE
Getting deeper insights into how you and your spouse communicate will pay
dividends over the course of your marriage. Relationship assessments such as
SYMBIS+ give married couples a deeper understanding of one another’s
personalities, communication styles, and more.
Have you and your spouse mastered communication? What are the area’s that still
need improvement? What can you do individually to improve communication?
Provided by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot
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